Hilarious: I am a Nigerian, I'm Seeking the Illuminati!

The talk out there is all rich and famous people are all members of the Illuminati. They say they worship an Egyptian God, Horus, hence the eye of Horus and Baphormet, the goat head with horns. And members of the Illuminati are required to sign every now and then, this is showing either the eye of horus, pyramid style on your clothes or as vivid as Jay Z does it. Or you do the sign of the horns whether you're flashing the peace sign or just making sure the way you place your fingers when you're in public celebrates

Barphomet's horns. Then you've got to occasionally sacrifice somebody or something relevant. Wow! When you look at these claims, they almost make perfect sense only they begin to seem like pure paranoia. How come these people have some of the gravest tragedies in their lives? But even nameless poor people have their share of these tragedies. So you know, what the hell? Just last week, it got me thinking. I want to be rich and famous too. So I say to myself, I know a couple of greedy rich people, a bunch of stupid Illuminatis. All these time, all I needed to do was signal them then all doors will open.

One day, I happened to be in the same conference room with this billionaire. I said to myself, "oh, look at you, fucking Illuminati. You're so out." So I waited until I could have some audience with him. I approached him, introduced myself and started to tell him about some unintelligible business ideas I had. All that time, he was looking at me weird. You know because I was flashing him the baphormet sign, and he didn't seem to be getting it. I started from the traditional peace sign while introducing myself.

When that didn't work out, I did the three fingers up with an "o" while telling him I admired his person and think we could share business ideas.

That didn't work, so I had to cook up a story while he politely listened. After all, he'd been advising earlier that the youths needed to keep working hard, doing back-breaking jobs and one day, fortune just might smile on them. The usual bullshit talk. So I did the double triangle sign between my left eye while explaining the economies of cat fishing rather than frog hunting. It was getting harder than I envisioned. Hello! Read the sign and give me the fucking money. I'm Illuminati too. What else do you want from me? I show the sign and for sacrifice, I'll gladly give up my clueless brother who removed subsidy. That's it! Done! Ok, kidding about the brother. I'll sacrifice a bull. Come on, if Baphormet was a goat, what'd be more perfect than the death of a fat ass cow?

All to no avail. I was getting desperate, this dude was beginning to run out of patience. Then I switched from catfish and frogs to water gliders. I lost him. Shit! He rose from his seat. Embarrassed at my effort to get recruited into this elitist club, I laughed nervously and apologised for taking so much of his time. Then before I left, I had to try one more time. I turned back and looked at him and said, "Hey, Mr." And I literally placed my fore fingers at either side of my head, you know, go very aggressive on him. Sometimes, they just want you to be aggressive. So, he wore this frown on his face and I knew if I didn't get out of there fast, I'm going to be signing papers soon at the infirmary.

So flashing my teeth, I went, OK, BYE. Phew! I mean all the crap we have to go through to become somebody in this one-shot short life.

But you know something, a wise person once said never to give up so I won't. I just need to perfect my signs, one day, a made person is going to notice and make me. And when I am made, a bunch of sadists are going to be out there just speculating, just! while I continue to buy Islands. Yeah, (smiling while day-dreaming) I can see that just happening. Mean while, I'm presently pissed at them all. Just yesterday, this sport car sped past me, sprayed me with some left over rain water. I screamed at him, "asshole. Fucking Illuminati!" Yeah, don't be fooled. They're all Illuminati.